I recently read somewhere that the only thing you can control is the present moment. I have been known to reflect on the past or dream up the future to avoid processing things I find unpleasant in the present. It really changed my perspective to realize this moment is all I have. It really goes in line with the intentionality I’ve been putting into adding more play to my life and in my motherhood. By beginning to include more play with my children, I have found that that is where connection is built in the midst of the chaos of toddlerhood. When your guard is down, which is what happens when you’re in a state of play, you are available to meet your children where they are and connect with them.

I have a tendency to be anxious and order has always relieved that. I often joke that you can tell the state of my mind by how my linen closet looks. If it’s really tidy, I’m feeling balanced but if it’s starting to go downhill then I am too. One thing I’ve been forced to learn this month is that I can’t clean in the way I like to during this season. I can keep things fairly orderly and meet the needs of my four at home kiddos and my own needs but nothing can be done ‘perfectly’. It’s a nice reminder from life that striving for perfection will never bring joy. But playing with a chubby little baby is sure to bring joy. So my motto for the unforeseeable future is to ‘clean less and play more’. I’ve been learning to use play to relieve anxiety and tension in my life and motherhood.

Let me give you a little snippet of my life lately. My two oldest children went back to school this month so our family is in the middle of a major transition right now. If I’m being honest, when it began it felt 10000 times harder than I expected it would. Last year I had one “big” kid home while the other was in K. I have to say I took for granted how entertaining a 5 year old can be to a little sister who needs a few minutes of distraction or a mom who needs a pee break that doesn’t include a crowd. When this back to school for 2 out of 6 began, I found myself really questioning my abilities as a mother and overall human. What was going on with my emotional regulation? Why was I going from perfectly fine to exploding? How could I manage being a stay at home parent to an 18 month old, a set of 8 month old twins, and an almost 3 year old? When I tell you that I was hard core struggling, it doesn’t begin to paint the full picture.

In the midst of the storm, between prayers and pleas with God, I found myself digging deep to once again see what I was made of. It turns out perfectly fine is code for bottling emotions so naturally when the bottle has overfilled it has a tendency to explode. I am slowly learning to tune in and give myself breaks as needed. That’s where play has been coming in lately. The more play breaks I give myself, the more my anxiety or other overflowing strong emotions move through me and evaporate. Play breaks look differently depending on many variables. When I’m momming while my husband is busy working, my play break may look like 5 minutes of favorite music, writing time, or a book I’m reading (strictly for pleasure not self-improvement!). When my husband is available to take over with the kids, play may look like a great yoga session or a nice long walk while I listen to a good audiobook. Do you have children or a career that impacts your ability to find time for play? How can you build play into your day? Where can you take 5 minutes for you?

I am working with intention, I am choosing to incorporate more play into my life. I am using play to assist with emotional regulation and build connection with my family. Instead of choosing to clean until everything feels just right, I’m going to work to tune into how I’m feeling. I will allow myself whatever emotions come my way. I will use play or make the choice to walk away and take some deep breaths on my own as needed. Privately taking deep breaths makes it a lot easier for me to tune into my emotions. No emotion, no matter how unpleasant or overwhelming is permanent. I will work to accept that the present moment is all I have. This is where I can choose the course, not in the past or future. I will treat myself with compassion and kindness when I slip into old avoidance or other unhealthy patterns. I would like to extend an invitation to you to play more and do whatever you do to feel in control less. I invite you to try incorporating this week’s ‘fruits of inspiration & grace’ (FiGs) into your life.

I am grateful that you took the time to join me in this space where we consciously choose to extend compassion and kindness to ourselves as we learn healthier ways to regulate our emotions. I believe that incorporating more play into our lives can help us process emotions and get more comfortable with uncertainty. Are you ready to allow yourself to feel joy and experience unstructured fun? You deserve it. If you would like to receive a practice scenario that explains how you can apply this reflection’s 4 FiGs in your life, you are invited to subscribe to the ‘FiG 4-1-1’ newsletter here or follow along on Instagram. For some questions related to the FiGs follow along on Twitter.