A few weeks ago, an experience in my life triggered me in a way I hadn’t been triggered in years. It spun me into an insane funk with a locked toolbox and no keys in sight. I felt paralyzed by uncertainty, self-doubt, and confusion. On the outside I continued to live life and complete my many responsibilities but on the inside I was frozen. I couldn’t quite put my finger on what exactly was keeping me stuck. It was as though my feet were glued to the floor while my upper body tried to frantically move me along. Have you been there before? Do certain situations trigger the feeling that you’re stuck in place?

No matter what I did, I was paralyzed. Now that I’ve gotten through it, I can clearly see the cause. During this funk, I was avoiding all the buried emotions that the event brought to the surface. I quickly went into my version of survival mode. In this old default setting, I switched into striving for perfection, bottling emotions, and an underlying feeling of unworthiness. The first thing that went out the window was self-care and quickly thereafter I welcomed writer’s block. You see, I often process my thoughts and emotions by reflecting on and writing about them. When I avoid my emotions, that creative outlet is instantly shut down.

After developing two ‘visual reflections’ (aka worksheets) to process what was going on with me, I was able to see the pattern and do the work of getting unstuck. The areas the visual reflections were focused on were ‘self-care’ and ‘emotional avoidance’. By tracking my self-care habits, I was able to resume caring for myself. Once I was on track there, I realized I needed to stop running from emotions and feel them. Allowing myself to feel whatever emotion I feel is self-care. It’s also the only way to move along. Avoiding the emotions means they will linger indefinitely.

While I was stuck in my rut, striving for perfection only magnified the feeling that I was stuck. How can I cook, clean, do laundry, do dishes, make sure every child is loved, make sure my husband is loved, take care of the dog, follow the meal plan, get the groceries, meet my own needs, etc. perfectly? I can’t. Thinking about achieving everything I’m responsible for perfectly is paralyzing. Where do I even begin? It doesn’t matter because if the goal is perfection then the outcome is failure. Why start something if you know you’re going to fail right? Obviously what needed to be done, got done. But I could have done without the insane amount of anxiety the pressure of perfection brings.

When striving for perfection I become overwhelmed and self-doubt grows exponentially. Once I resumed my self-care regimen and started processing all the emotions I was avoiding, my need to be perfect diminished. I remembered that perfection is a trap. It’s a place we go when we want to feel in complete control. Even though we’re trying to feel ‘in control’ what we actually end up doing is feeling like a failure. Once I allowed myself to feel and process my emotions I didn’t feel out of control anymore. I was able to remind myself that no emotion is off limits and I am not a failure. Even if I find the emotions unpleasant, they will only come to an end when I stop avoiding them. Speaking to myself with love and kindness goes a long way too.

As I begin feeling more and more balanced, I can hear my therapist in my head reminding me that I need to accept ‘good enough’ and release ‘perfect’. Being the ‘best version of myself’ doesn’t mean that I am working so hard I have nothing left to give when the day is up. It doesn’t mean that I am only allowed to feel emotions I’ve deemed positive. It doesn’t mean things don’t get messy from time to time. It also doesn’t mean everyone’s needs get addressed except my own. Being my best self, for me, means I feel balanced and whole—worthy as I am.

This whole situation has been a turning point for me. In years past I would have gone through the motions for weeks or months with no idea how to move forward. I am proud of the work I’ve done to get where I am. I embrace the work ahead as I continue learning about myself and what I need in order to be the best version of myself. What old behavioral patterns do you fall into when something knocks you off your feet? What do you do to regain your footing? Are you doing the work of getting to know and nurturing yourself? Below are this week’s ‘fruits of inspiration and grace’ (FiGs) to help you process what I’ve shared as you look within.

It is an honor to be vulnerable with you and help you look within to see what is holding you back. If you would like to receive a practice scenario that explains how you can apply this reflection’s 4 FiGs, you are invited to subscribe to the ‘FiG 4-1-1’ newsletter here or follow along on Instagram. Remember, even if something feels unpleasant and incredibly challenging, you can get through it. You have gotten through 100% of your hardest days to date. You are worthy.